Word of the year: Hope
I must confess that the trend of the last several years to claim a “word” of the year has always seemed trite or “extra” to me. How can a randomization website give you a word to encompass the goals or attitudes towards a full year? I used to scoff in jealousy at those that prayed and sat with the idea of a word for the year, when in reality, I wished that I would be filled with Divine Inspiration that would direct my year towards a sort of goal or virtue.
Well, this time on December 31st of 2022, I sat with this idea and found that my heart really desired a direction for 2023 and instead of choosing a word, the word chose me: Hope.
I took a walk staring at the big open skies of Texas that I still miss and realized that 2022 and 2021 had been fraught with changes, instability, and a heaviness. I wouldn’t characterize the last few years as hopeless or despairing by any means, but there’s been an underlying tension and struggle to find a new normal with graduate school, new baby, and trying to lean into my stride in motherhood. I became a full-time stay at home mom in 2021, but here in 2023, I still am attempting to find a rhythm and schedule that meets our family needs.
I’ve struggled on and off with my faith life, my confidence in my vocation, and everything in between. These last two years have taught me many lessons on faith and trust in God, but leave much to be desired in this path to holiness. (But isn’t that the way God works, anyway?)
So, this year my word of hope strikes like flint and there’s a new fire burning as we approach so much novelty as a family. James is working hard at his new job at Boston College and continuing his work towards his Master’s degree. We moved out of the in-laws’ house into our very own apartment. Our kids are getting bigger and more independent. I’m relearning to embrace domestic life, cooking meals seven days a week, and managing my very own home once again.
It truly feels like we have started over from scratch – buying furniture to replace that which we sold when we started this adventure, dishes, and hopefully bookcases to home our library that is still littering our second bedroom floor. There’s a sense of hope abounding behind every corner which started when we claimed the keys to our new apartment and welcomed Christ into our home with a house blessing.
Amidst these gifts and blessings, I realize I’ve been placing pressure on myself to do all and be all in providing a beautiful home life for our family. My husband is just as busy as he has been with school and work the past two years, and I’ve wanted to make every second we have together count. I’ve wanted to create a perfect family life within lots of solo parenting, cooking meals, furnishing a home, and learning to love all the domestic traits I’ve never really felt an affinity for (and felt much shame over). I’ve aspired to be the Mary Bailey of Mary Baileys who 'redid the Old Granville House, volunteered for the war effort, and still found time to have, feed, and care for 4 healthy and beautiful babies'.
That’s a lot to pack into a few short weeks of living on our own and adjusting to an entirely different way of life.
So, I’m starting to re-evaluated my word of the year and the goals I have for our “new life’’ on our own as a family.
My initial thoughts regarding “Hope” related to a chance to start over and become the perfect little graduate school family – working towards our goals and raising cute kids. The pressure to live and embody that ideal is already causing burn out. So, today I looked up the CCC’s definition of hope:
“the theological virtue by which we desire the kingdom of heaven and eternal life as our happiness, placing our trust in Christ's promises and relying not on our own strength, but on the help of the grace of the Holy Spirit” (CCC 1817).
I then pair that definition with the Bible quote I felt nudged towards following that beautiful Texas walk on December 31st:
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13).
Both lines from CCC and the Bible approach hope through the lens of trust, joy, and the strength and power of the Holy Spirit. Here I’m reminded once again, that I cannot do anything on my own. That to live out a life and a year of Hope for my family doesn’t start with me, but rather with the Holy Spirit. So, as a perfectionist, melancholic, mom trying to start up our new life in a new year in a new home with 2 little kids and a husband who is gone more than he’s home: I need to chill (read: chose joy, hope, and patience over pressure and expectations).
I’ve already been seeing Hope and Joy in the little moments of our family life: unpacking and filling the mugs we packed in storage two years ago, watching my children as they play in their new home, taking the time for intentional rest during my kids’ naps, regular at home dates with James to watch the old “Brideshead Revisited” (which is truly a work of art drawing our hearts to God. Highly recommend!).
In these packed days with my family, I’m trusting that Christ will use them to direct our longings towards a higher end. Each beautiful moment that leaves my eyes blurry with happiness and recognition of our family blessings is a little foretaste of heaven. Looking at our life through a perspective of hope is slowly changing my motherhood. I’m encouraged to stop relying on my own power to create and keep a perfect little family life; and to peacefully work and pursue the vocation before me one task at a time, meeting each need as it comes.
Mary Bailey’s actions in creating a home and family culture weren’t the centripetal force that made her family life, but rather that atmosphere of hope she embodied through the Holy Spirit’s promptings to pray with her children, for her husband, and to put good and humble work into her home.
So, in short, I am very hopeful for 2023 and all the good things with which God continues to bless us. I’m looking forward to filling the nooks and crannies of our apartment and finding new routines with the kids, becoming a better cook and learning other domestic traits. I’m just trying to temper myself with more reliance on the Holy Spirit, and attempting to lean into that spirit of peace within which our family should act.
Maybe “words of the year” aren’t so trite after all…
***Dear friends, thank you for taking the time to read my little blogging space. God willing, I’d like to get back into blogging and sharing with you all the ups and downs of family life in graduate school.
If you’ve been following along on Instagram, you’ve seen all the updates, but I hope to continue on here. Please, keep our family in your prayers as we pursue the last 1.5 years of our grad school adventures!
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